In the movie Casablanca, Sydney Greenstreet said as the owner of the Blue Parrot that the ‘Germans have outlawed miracles’.
Forward to the present day, the Scottish Conservative Party needs miracles, their vote is about 14%, however Ruth Davidson did say on Scotland Tonight, that there was a poll saying 19% somewhere.
To be seen as credible and viable in Scotland, the Tories need policies that are huge and of such epic proportions that it is a show stopper.
Last night Ruth Davidson said she wanted to see a return to 95% mortgages so that young professionals could get on the housing ladder.
What about the poor and working class, she seemed to have forgotten them as she outlined her vision.
The Scottish Conservative leader is calling for greater help for homebuyers and free nursery places for two-year-olds.
This was her keynote speech designed to broaden the appeal of her party beyond "people who have made it".
Excuse me, can I ask a question?
Why did she say only young professionals?
Was it a slip of the tongue or are we all young professionals now!
The Tories need much more than this if they want to reverse the decline in their fortunes.
So, 95% mortgages, free nursery places for two-year-olds and the development of vocational teaching in schools for 14 and 15-year-olds.
This is her wares?
At best, this is poor fare from the Tories, if she is sticking to her party's guiding principle to give everyone "a fair crack of the whip" in life and reward hard work, aspiration and responsibility, then it is not enough.
And if change is the order of the day, why didn’t she drop policies the size of nuclear bombs on the political landscape?
These policies at best a 9mm’s fired across the battlefield and it is doubtful they will get a hit on target.
Ms Davidson who earns £57,500 as an MSP says she is still saving for a deposit on a home.
What did she do with the money she made at the BBC?
What did she do with the money she got working for Annabel Goldie?
And exactly how big a house is she going for and in what affluent area?
If she was looking for the sympathy vote while on £57k a year plus expenses, she won’t get it.
Ms Davidson added:
"It is wrong that mortgages are no longer available to people who can afford to make the monthly repayments but who suddenly as a knock-on effect of irresponsible bank lending in the past are required to have at least a 20% or 30% deposit instead of a 5% deposit."
Kind of looks like a policy based on her personal circumstances.
And now to the bad bits, speaking after her address at Glasgow's Mitchell Library, she said a range of services and benefits would be cut.
Cash for councils was likely to be cut and free eye tests axed under future Conservative plans.
This is going to get her party back into power in Scotland?
I think not, it wouldn’t even stop the decline and certainly wouldn’t get working class voters either.
And another policy ideas for the firing line is the end of free university tuition and free prescriptions.
This maybe in the party's 2016 Holyrood manifesto, if it is the Tories will not return as a force, you have got to ask yourself, who writes these shit policies for them!
And as to her being in the wilderness describing how she worked in an amusement arcade in Kirkcaldy as a teenager and, as a young journalist who begged high street stores for a job after being made redundant from a radio station in Perth.
This brought a caustic response from a senior journalist at a newspaper that has no left-leanings whatsoever who said:
"She worked at the BBC, not down the pits."
It must have been hell in the BBC and bouncing about wearing North Face padded jackets while reporting, I feel for her plight.
Ms Davidson also said she did not recognise the caricature of the Scottish Conservative party as representing only those who had "made it".
Well someone should explain it to her preferably someone who hasn’t made it, however she did admitted:
"It is one reason why many Scots, while sharing the same values as us, continue to vote for other parties."
It goes much deeper than that, her keynote speech; is not going to make a difference, there is nothing big in there to reset their brand.
If she wants a First Minister salary or ministerial salary in a Holyrood coalition then she better draft in fresh blood, failing that she better get a paper cup to boost her income, or ask a rich Tory backer if they need any help in their office.
The Campaign for Human Rights at Glasgow University