Labour Heavies can't stop people voting SNP

Dear All

This is the tragic scene at a Glasgow Polling Station when a massive crowd turned up to vote out Labour MP, Ian Davidson.

Throughout the day the traditional black crombie Glasgow Labour Mafioso tried to stem back the tide promising the earth but no one was listening.

In a desperate attempt to shore up the defences New Labour drafted in sumo warriors skilled in unarmed combat.

Iris McDonald, 85 year old with a walking stick led the charge; her account as follows.

"I was walking up to the Polling Station door when a man wearing a Red Rosette told me to vote Labour. I told him to sod off then I was surrounded by the Labour Mafioso asking did I like my pension.

So I immediately decked them.

Then these four foreign gentlemen came forward and challenged me. In front of a crowd of neighbours the challenge was issued. They came at me one at a time and I planted them in a decorative position so that they wouldn't obstruct the doorway.

After I came out I went home and got some ice cubes as I may have kicked them in the testicles a bit too hard. I like to be neighbourly and later when I got them back on their feet they seemed extremely grateful.

I voted SNP as Chris Stephens seems a terribly nice young man".

A spokesman for Strathclyde Police said that an incident occurred at the locus where 8 men accosted Iris McDonald, four were planted in the ground, three ended up in trees and one was deposited down a drain. My Officers recieved tea and biscuits from Iris and the Fire Brigade got the men out of the trees. The man in the drain didn't want to come out. Iris was told off about using some fairly strong language but she explained it was in the heat of the moment. The Police said that this was a fairly minor incident as Iris usually just shoots them in the leg!

No complaint was filed.

Yours sincerely

George Laird
The Campaign for Human Rights at Glasgow University